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Figuring that a guy who spent fifteen years in the Senate, and served as majority leader, and toiled as a special envoy to both Northern Ireland and the Middle East, and wrote the Mitchell Report on steroid use, would know how to diffuse tension, we called George Mitchell for some pointers on artfully navigating the tumultuous political waters over the holiday.

 

ESQUIRE WEEKLY: You've been in some pretty tense situations. Is there a common thread where you found a way to cool hostile people down?

GEORGE MITCHELL: There's no common thread, each situation is unique. But what I did on a couple instances in Northern Ireland was to mix up the seating at mealtime—we had isolated ourselves in two very hostile groups—and tell everyone they couldn't discuss politics or the issues that we were negotiating. Talk about your kids, your dog, your vacation, your other job, anything you want, but don't talk about the issues. And it actually worked pretty well. In an American family, given the political dysfunction now, there's no talking politics. Talk about football, brag about your kids, but stay off the disputed subjects.

ESQ: What if someone insists?

GM: If you have to talk about them, insist on some fair allocation of time. You have a problem where one group could talk all day, and the other doesn’t have that same degree of passion. You don't get a discussion then—you get a monologue. That's the worst circumstance.

ESQ: What should we do, say, if you’re a liberal and your uncle says something crazy about Obamacare? Do you try to correct him?

GM: It depends on the circumstances. Nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of a crowd. If I thought it was really egregiously wrong I would probably wait till later and privately, say “I just want to let you know I don't think what you said is correct.” There's no need to upset a whole family dinner by pointing out errors publicly.

ESQ: What if he goes berserk?

GM: The most important thing is to have patience and perseverance. Don't respond in kind. If someone who is angry runs into someone who is calm, they tend to calm down. Don't add any fuel to fire. It's a little difficult when people have been drinking—so it’ll take a little bit of patience.

ESQ: I happen to think—and maybe it's just the political climate now—that it's pointless to argue about politics anymore with anyone. You're never going to get them to change their minds anyway.

GM: I think that's true about their party choices. I don't ever go to anyone and say I'd like you to convert from Republican to Democrat. It's less true on certain specific issues. I think you often can persuade people on a particular issue, despite political difference. It's the same as conflict resolution. You have to identify what their self-interest is, and figure out a way to accommodate that. That's the essence of negotiating, understand what the person's real bottom line is, and try to accommodate it. Not one hundred percent—just some portion of it. Of course this is a big country, three hundred million people, there are a lot of people you can't persuade of anything on either extreme. I think a very big segment of the public is still open to rational persuasion.

ESQ: How important is having a sense of humor in any disagreeable situation?

GM: It’s very important. The event in Northern Ireland I described earlier, I had them all at the dinner table and a little banter started over non-contentious issues. The guy I was sitting next to, David Trimble, who was a leader of the Unionist Party in Northern Ireland, someone yelled across table, “David, what's the last opera you heard?” He was a well-known opera buff. He described it. The guy yelled across the table, “Senator, you ever go to the opera?” Yes I do, I said, I go on a regular schedule. “What's that schedule?” I said when I go to the opera I know what I'm going to hear. I've seen La Boheme twelve times, and Rodolfo never uttered a word off script. That's just like coming over here, I told him: You guys sing the same songs every time. That got a little laugh, broke the tension a little bit. Humor can be very important. Be careful it isn't directed just at one side or the other, though.

ESQ: What’s your own family like on holidays? Any disagreements?

GM: No no. We're all Democrats, so no one disagrees. My older brothers always thought I was not tough enough on the Republicans, they would give me a hard time. Of course the Republicans thought otherwise. We argue about others things. Usually sports, local items, schools, stuff like that. I got married late in life. I have two teenage children, a tenth grade son and daughter in seventh grade.

ESQ: Are they politically engaged?

GM: Not yet. My son is very interested. He asks a lot of questions, but doesn’t commit to any position. He's a real question machine. He likes history, but it will be his choice.

ESQ: What if he registers as a Republican?

GM: I'll ask him why. What issues motivated him? It would be his choice, I'd leave it to him. This is your decision. I neither have right nor desire to impose judgment on you. But I'd want to know what it's about—if it's something based on a misperception.

ESQ: Who was the hardest to deal with of all the negotiations you've been involved in, from Northern Ireland to the Middle East, to baseball, to the Senate?

GM: It was all very tough, to be frank, but in terms of complexity and difficulty, the Middle East is toughest situation I've been in. I was in Jerusalem a few years ago giving a lecture at a big event. I answered a question about Ireland, I made the comment that the peace agreement was reached eight-hundred years after British domination of Ireland began. After I left the stage, people came up, wanted autographs, picture, to disagree. An old guy said, “Did you say eight hundred years in Ireland?” He repeated it in a loud, dismissive voice. “No wonder you settled it, it's such a recent argument!” Only in the Middle East would eight hundred years be seen as recent argument.

Read more: Diplomat George Mitchell on Thanksgiving Diplomacy - Esquire
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